Semester 3 is ending pretty soon. We have a DRP (Defense Research Proposal) presentation on the 7th January 2019 which is currently haunting my day and night. We have to come up with a proposal on the dissertation that we will work on next semester. The thought of writing a dissertation next semester is very frightening. The thing is, I don’t have any idea on what to do for my dissertation. It’s very technical and I don’t even know what to do. Then one of my full-time classmates gave me an idea to go see our lecturer last semester to ask for her opinion on this. And she literally gave me the title of my dissertation. One problem, checked! Or so I thought. Little that I know, the title that she gave is so hard and very technical that I don’t think I can do it. My classmate who was doing the same title is currently still stuck in the simulation phase. I am freaking out. Who wouldn’t?
So I’ve been stressed out about this thing alone. Having deep thoughts and wanting to either quit or extend the semester. The cycle during my first semester is repeating itself again. Just imagine, a full-time student which is a lecturer (that basically on a different level than me) is still struggling to complete and present her dissertation (also on the 7th) and there is me, a basic, clueless girl who seem to dream too big to do a dissertation on a thing that she doesn’t even understand. I am seriously freaking out and stressing out with this issue that psoriasis decided to flare up like crazy. Until I talked to my sister. Her question was: did you do it already? To which I answer: no.
And that, conclude that my fear is completely baseless. I still think that I cannot do it. But, I didn’t even start it yet. I don’t know where this journey will take me to. I am still not really ready to face it next semester. But I got to do what I got to do. So here I am, writing it out in hope that if I ever felt like a loser someday, I can look back and reflect that everything has a solution. So what if other people cannot do it? You do you. Try it first and if you fail the first time, try again.
