Last couple of months.

I can say that i am so down. Mainly because of the taste thingy. I don't know who i can talk to. Since this is something that no one (that i know of) have ever encountered. Sure they can give you sympathy. But thats all. And you get tired of it after few times. So i decided to keep it on my own. I pretend that i was ok. I am feeling ok. But deep down i am so sad. And down. 

I ran away from the social media. 

I stop interact with my close friend too. 

I kept myself busy at the office that makes me so damn tired and just want to sleep when i'm home. 

Then one day i got a massive headache. And i got two days MC because of it. Turned out my BP was quite high. Thus i was being referred to a government clinic for a checkup. 

I go the next day. 

And yes my BP was still quite high. 

Thus i was scheduled for another appointment. 

I went. 

The doctor that i see on the next appointment was a bit snobbish. I immediately hate him. Because i'm young and my BP was too high, he wanted me to have a full body checkup. That includes; ECG, blood test, urine, ultrasound, etc2. 

I hate him there and then. I dont only hate him but i hate myself. I hate the fact that because i did this to myself. I am not healthy. I ate everything. I let myself stressed out. I hate myself too much. 

I cried when i talk to Ma on the phone after that. 

Ma console me. She said its better to know that you have this kind of problem now, rather than later. When you already in a bad condition. I cannot accept it. 

I hate myself. 

I think about it too much after the last appointment. I worried too much. 

I still don't talk about it. I don't think it'll help. 

We have this one group chat on whatsapp. My best friends during technic school. A group of girls that basically help me throughout the miserable two years. 

We lost contacts and just recently have this group chat. I dont involved too much with it at first. 5 of us have already married. 4 of them have kids. 

I was browsing through the conversation whenever i have time without involving much. But i sense the positive energy through it. Just like how they are during school. They have not changed one bit. 

I decided to start talking to them. As usual. No big topic. Just reminiscing good ol memories. I love it. 

I love it so much that i think its ok that Allah test me with all these. 

Its ok kan? 

Even if its not, its ok. :)

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And also i can taste better these days. I think about 60% of my taste buds have recovered. I'm waiting for the next 40% to come back to me. 

:)